Below is an e-mail I wrote to my family, extended family, cousins, aunts & uncles - the morning after my dad was missing on March 16, 2011. It was meant to be an informative letter explaining the events of the day. It turned out to be a plea for help:
I trust this e-mail finds you well. =)
The purpose of this e-mail is to write to you about an event that happened in our family yesterday, March 16:
Yesterday, at around 8:00AM, after my mom had left for work, my dad stepped out of the house in his pajamas and took a walk. Normally (per mine and Nana Cion's experience with him leaving), he steps out to work in the garden or the front of the house, but yesterday, he was gone.
My dad told Nana Cion that he was "going to visit his sister" (my Auntie Edith who lives in the Rampart District of LA). And Nana said not to - don't go! Noon time comes around, and I get a phone call from Nana Cion, while I am at work, and it is of a frantic, scared voice: Reggie, your dad is missing, he left the house this morning and he hasn't come back yet.
I quickly call my sister, who quickly met me at home. I quickly call my mother, who didn't have as quick a response to come home as I, or anyone, would've imagined she would.
Liza and I convened at the house and got into my car to comb the streets of Los Angeles. We didn't know where to begin.
We knew, during his frequent trips with my Aunt Edith, that they normally took the bus to traipse around Los Angeles. And we knew that he would most likely be traveling eastbound as my Aunt Edith's house is towards the east. So we headed east along Olympic Blvd., looked at every single face that walked the streets, drove down Wilshire Blvd. - only to find no trace of our dad.
We knew that the number 28 bus that picks-up and drops-off passengers near our house traveled as far east as Skid Row in downtown LA and as far West as Santa Monica (a wide stretch of land to say the least). He could be anywhere!
We were prepared to file yet another missing persons report with LAPD (we had already filed another one in 2009 when he went missing). 4 policemen came to the house around 5pm yesterday afternoon, and we started our report. Questions, what was he wearing, did he have his wallet, any identification on his body, who saw him last, the list went on and on - and night was quickly approaching. Our dad may be sleeping on the streets of LA, in his pajamas, scared, helpless.
Until I get a phone call from Francis:
"You're not going to believe this, I don't even know if this is even real, but I have your dad in my car."
Francis (who knew that my dad had been missing) was on his way to our home from work. But he decided to drive to the grocery store to run an errand. He knows the streets of downtown Los Angeles fairly well, but he gets the streets mixed-up every now and then. He went down a wrong, unfamiliar street, so he quickly turned on his GPS to get him to his destination (a Ralphs supermarket). GPS had him turn down a street which he normally would'nt have turned on to, he was on unfamiliar ground. And there he is! Francis sees my dad, standing in his pajamas on the busy streets of downtown Los Angeles.
Francis quickly swerved traffic to park his car, he blocks a driveway. Approaches my dad slowly but surely; Francis was afraid he wouldn't recognize him nor would he even talk to him. My dad stared at him blankly. Blankly - it's become a more frequent look on his face now as his Alzheimers quickly takes over. But then, as we all are familiar with, my dad smiled. He smiled and Francis knew that he was okay.
My dad gets in Francis' car. After about a 20 minute drive home of small conversational exchanges, light questioning, my dad arrives home. He arrives home to his family and 4 policemen waiting in the front lawn making sure he got home ok.
My dad was ok. Aside from sun burn on his face, eyes teetering on blood-shot, and a little dehydration. My dad was ok.
After the same situation happening 2 years before and another greater-scaled event during our Philippine visit in 2009... when is my mom going to learn that THIS IS SOMETHING SERIOUS?!
I've talked to her about options that we should be exploring to which her response lays...blank. She blankly doesn't want to hear about options, she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to acknowledge this new "notion" of Alzheimers. The moment I do try and talk to her, she puts her guard up, gets defensive, and we end up fighting and arguing, only to be left 5 steps back from where we started in the first place. I've never met anyone so stubborn. But she is my mom. Through all this, she is still my mom.
Who will she listen to?
Will she listen to you?
My sister and I and my dad, need your help. Is there anyway one, or all of you can sit my mom down and talk to her? My dad needs an in-home day care person to basically just watch him like a hawk. Maybe some light chores around the house but his/her sole purpose is basically to watch my dad. CJ has offered his knowledge of the industry to help in the process. I've been doing my own research for caregivers as well - alongside being an advocate for the disease
Sure we can take away the keys to the house, we can take away the keys to his car, we can even try and imprint it in his mind that he mustn't leave the house...but he has two feet. He has his own will. He has his own life. Many of you know my dad as well as I do: he doesn't sit around. He is a do-er. He's hard-headed, opinionated, but one of the most important things is: he's human. He's going to do what he wants to do.
My sister and I are taking control of our dad's care now. What we need is a mother who is on-board with us too. But she can't fully commit to it unless she fully commits to her husband and his struggle: mind, body, and soul.
Will she listen to you?
If so, please call me. We need your help.
My dad came home when he was lost in the Philippines. My dad came home when he was lost two years ago. My dad did not come home this time. He was found - luckily he was found."
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