We wanted to be early, not because we thought it would get us a child faster or that it would put us at the top of the list but because we were anxious, a little nervous, but most importantly, we were so excited to learn more about the questions that have been hovering over our heads for the past couple of months. We had plugged in the address into WAZE for the orientation, drove up to the intercom, no one picked up and we didn't see anyone else around. We knew we were either super early or super late; you know, "15 mins early - you're on time, on time - you're late, 15 minutes late - you might as well forget about it!" We parked the car to the side and got on the phone to figure out if we had the right location, only to see another couple slowly driving past the front gate with the same inquisitive looks on their faces. They parked their car and walked up to the gate entrance - we knew they were going to the same orientation class - one of them held a binder close to her chest and the other had a venti coffee from Starbucks. They were another same sex couple, a lesbian couple, and at that moment we had a huge sigh of relief. Relief because we didn't know if there was going to be another gay couple or if we were going to be a needle in a hay stack. In the end, we found ourselves sitting in the same classroom with five same sex couples, one straight inter-racial couple, and two single-parent individuals.
After sitting through the orientation for three hours, we knew that this was the agency we wanted to work with to bring a child home with us to foster/adopt.
Extraordinary Families is a foster/adoption agency that "recruits, trains, and supports high-quality foster and adoptive homes for children removed from their families for abuse and neglect." There are approx 40,000 children in Los Angeles County alone that do not have permanent homes - EF helps to make homes ready for these kids.
We learned so many things in this compacted three hours like most children who enter the system were a direct result of neglect (32%) abuse (43%), or at risk (23%), almost 21,000 children are in out-of-home placement, and the racial ethnicity of these children reflects the diverse culture of LA County - whites (11%), Hispanic (60%), African American (26%), and others (3%). All this information was provided by the LA Department of Children and Family Services (2015). No explanation is needed, there is a significant need for parents.
We knew that the statistics were staggering and that we would be making a significant contribution to help change these figures. Perhaps one of the most influential moments from the orientation were the amazing examples and stories we heard from families that have gone through the agency process. A lesbian couple who had sat in the same seats that we did two-and-a-half years ago, dropped by to share their story. They brought their two beautiful twin boys with them (Aiden and Ryland) who are as rambunctious and sweet and playful and kind as two toddler boys should be. They shared their story and it inspired us to begin telling our story. Their story was heartbreaking - heartbreaking because you couldn't help but look at these beautiful boys and think to yourself: who would be so selfish to abandon your own flesh and blood. But it was bittersweet, because as hard as it was for these kids to not be as lucky as a lot of kids are to come home to a warm, loving family that loves them, these two boys found a home and two amazing parents.
There were two things that surprised us, aside from the statistics. One was that in order for the whole adoption process to be finalized, we learned that our adoption would have to be handled by a court. Now, we knew that court would be involved in the end, but we didn't know how much more the actual involvement really entailed. It would involve, amongst other things, filing a petition with the adoption court and then going through a hearing. The biological parent(s), believe it or not, are included in the hearings and are very much involved through the process even if they are evidently perceived as unable to physically/mentally take care of their own child.
The other surprising thing we learned was that one of the court's responsibilities is to seek to re-unify the child with his/her biological parents. In the end (and in their eyes) a child belongs with its biological parents. Which means, it is our duty, and the duty of our lawyers, to sit in the sidelines and wait for the child's parents, or extended family members, to basically not want to have protective custody of their own child. When this happens, and after a lot of twiddling thumbs, a judge may grant custody to the adopters as the legal guardians. I'm sure it's a longer, extensive, detailed experience than I have tried to summarize here, but for the most part, a child is ours unless the biological parent(s) are found "able" to take care of him/her. There's a lot of waiting, and awkwardness, and more waiting, and more awkwardness, but in the end, no matter how taxing the process we know it will be, we both can't think of another way to bring a child home with us.
We start the intensive training sessions ahead beginning next month and we will seek to get certified by the end of the year or early next. When that happens, we could potentially bring a baby home soon thereafter (or a couple years after) depending on the availability of babies and toddlers. We are extraordinarily excited and 100 times more certain about this process with Extraordinary Families as our guide. We are confident we will find our baby and can't wait to continue to tell our story.
Thanks for reading! -FR
